No, this is not a thrilling science fiction tale of angry, 7 foot tall, club carrying, transvestites from a land far, far away. It’s about that most feared symptom of middle age, Man Boobs. They generally show up along with a few other symptoms; Turkey Neck, Beer Belly and Fat Ass. The first time that I really considered Man Boobs, I was in my late 40’s. Riding my mountain bike on the “Ant Hills” along Buffalo Bayou in Houston, Texas.
As I sluiced down the single track through the trees, I was thinking to myself that I had hardly lost a step from a quarter century earlier, when I shredded the Colorado trails, in my 20’s. Rounding a bend I came into a gnarly set of washboards and felt the vibrations through my entire body. There were two youngsters high up on the embankment, getting ready to drop into some nearby jumps. They watched me bounce through the washboard section and one of them yelled down from the hill. “Nice pair, fat ass, get a bra.”
My reaction was to look down and watch my Man Boobs jiggle, roll and flop as if they had a life of their own. I wanted to go cuff the little bastard in the ear but damned if he wasn’t right. How long had I been telling myself, nice pecs, when looking in the mirror. It was time to stop fooling myself. Pecs don’t jiggle and they don’t get in the way of your golf swing or your bow string. Ouch – that one stings a bit. The youngsters comment did too and it was a wakeup call.
Time Flies
It’s been a decade and half since the Ant Hills adventure and as I graduate from middle age to old age, I am carrying 30% less of me than I was back then. But to this day, I am still deathly afraid of another attack of the dreaded Man Boobs. I think most men would agree, a little tightness in the waistline or the seat of the trousers is one thing but boobs jostling all about is something different. The closest thing women get to this, is probably back fat. Strap the boobs into the D-cups, cinch ‘em up and another set erupts out the back. Just below the shoulder blades. Damn, Back Boobs.
The technical name for Man Boobs or Moobs, is Gynecomastia and to be honest I hadn’t really thought much about it the last few years. Then I read an article the other day suggesting that hops used to brew IPA’s, contain significant amounts of phytoestrogen. The article suggested that phytoestrogen in significant quantity could cause Man Boobs. Beer Crafter’s actually have their own name for it; Brewer’s Droop. ‘Oh shit’, I thought; IPA is one of my favorite beers. The haunting voice from the past – in my head, “Nice pair, fat ass, get a bra.” Luckily I like malty, low hop beers too, I had an out.
Insulin Resistance
The truth is I am not giving up IPA. I’m pretty sure beer and estrogen on their own are not going to make me grow a set – again. There is a lot of false information out there that Moobs are caused by high estrogen or low testosterone in men. But correlation and causation are not the same thing. While it is generally the case that men with Moobs usually have higher than normal estrogen. That does not mean estrogen actually causes Moobs. In fact, it is probably the other way around. Excess fat stores in the body increases estrogen. Man Boobs are very likely a hormone problem but the hormone is not estrogen or testosterone. The hormone is insulin.
While you might not find this on WebMD, the root cause of male gynecomastia is very likely insulin resistance. Carbohydrates are fuel. When we eat them, our digestive system transforms them into glucose. Glucose travels through our bloodstream and insulin delivers it as energy into our muscles, liver and cells. Excess glucose is converted into triglycerides and stored in fat cells – the key word – EXCESS.
Insulin is released from the pancreas as soon as it senses the elevated blood sugar levels. You know, from the double fudge donut and and peppermint latte you had for breakfast. The insulin dumps into your bloodstream trying to process all the sugar. Unfortunately this natural process was not designed to deal with the processed foods that are so high in sugar, which many of us have adopted out of convenience.
Choices and Habits
Unhealthy lifestyle habits and the excess sugars, spike our insulin levels. Our bodies quit responding to insulin the way that it was designed and blood sugar levels race higher. The pancreas doesn’t understand and does what it always does, pump even more insulin into our blood and we develop insulin resistance. It’s a recipe for disaster. The only other mechanism our body has to control blood sugar besides insulin is exercise.
“A sedentary life is the real sin against the Holy Spirit.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche
One of the reasons I was on the bike, Man Boobs a jiggle back in 2005 was that bloodwork from a recent physical exhibited elevated blood pressure, cholesterol and triglyceride levels. The doctor recommended a host of medications to treat the symptoms. That was an inflection point in my life. I made a decision that the path forward was not a host of medications to subdue the symptoms but lifestyle changes to defeat the disease itself. I did the research, all the symptoms suggested that I was pre-diabetic; another term for insulin resistance.
Setting behind a desk all day, followed by too much beer, wine, pasta and cigars, (the list is actually much longer but you get the idea) had taken me very close to the edge. Luckily I woke up in time, before too much damage was done. Hell, I thought I was living the good life. Insulin Resistance and Diabetes are only a couple of the diseases of affluence common in the present paradigm. Most of these diseases are caused by unhealthy lifestyle habits, though they are often blamed on genetics or environmental issues. One of the failures of modern science is that it attempts to isolate and separate everything, instead of looking at things holistically, the way that nature teaches. Block the estrogen, lower the blood pressure, reduce the cholesterol, amp up the testosterone. Treat the symptom instead of the disease.
It becomes obvious when you analyze the trends that treating the symptoms, is not effective. Modern healthcare is not fixing the problems, it is making them worse, much worse. A third of America is not just overweight, they’re obese. There has been a 1000% increase in the incidence of Diabetes, since I was born. The numbers are truly staggering when you think about it. So perhaps an, “Attack of the Man Boobs” is a symbolic representation of what our lifestyle choices have wrought. That or a mediocre title for a Sci-Fi movie.
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