I first came across the term “Petty Tyrant” in a Carlos Castenada book. When I was in High School, in the mid 70’s, my little sister had a summer job cleaning dormitories at Knox College and brought home a boxed set of the first four volumes of “The Teachings of Don Juan”, that someone had left behind. I devoured those four and over the next decade or so, read all of the books in the series, at least until Carlos went stark raving mad but that is another story. The seventh book in the series, “A Fire From Within” introduced the concept of the “Petty Tyrant”.
Petty
of little importance; trivial, trifling, minor, small, slight, unimportant, insignificant, inessential, inconsequential, inconsiderable, negligible, paltry, (of behavior) characterized by an undue concern for trivial matters, especially in a small-minded or spiteful way. “he was prone to petty revenge on friends and family”
Similar:
small-minded, narrow-minded, mean, ungenerous, grudging, shabby, spiteful
Tyrant
a cruel and oppressive ruler, dictator, despot, autocrat, authoritarian, oppressor. A person exercising power or control in a cruel, unreasonable, or arbitrary way. Slave driver, scourge, bully.
A Petty Tyrant imposes her/his will, not with physical force but with psychological pressure. They generally feel justified because they believe themselves superior. They are button pushers, that throw you off balance, often completely unaware that they are causing so much frustration.
From “A Fire From Within”
“A petty tyrant is a tormentor,” he replied. “Someone who either holds the power of life and death over warriors or simply annoys them to distraction.” He added that the little petty tyrants are further divided into four categories. One that torments with brutality and violence. Another that does it by creating unbearable apprehension through deviousness. Another which oppresses with sadness. And the last, which torments by making warriors rage.
While these types of relationships are most common in the workplace, school or other public forum where you have no choice, it is not uncommon in the extended family unit, again where you have little choice in the close proximity of the petty tyrant. They are ruthless at throwing someone off center and out of balance, quickly and effectively. To fall prey to a petty tyrant means that you allow yourself to become agitated repeatedly by the same words, behaviors and attitudes over and over again.
There are two choices when dealing with the Petty Tyrants in your life. React like a victim or respond like a warrior. Warriors live consciously, responding to stress, they know stress is required to learn and grow. The warrior honors and embraces stress and the petty tyrants in their lives. If one is not easily available, the warrior goes in search of one, for without one, their growth and evolution will be stunted.
Finally, don Juan stated:
“The idea of using a petty tyrant is not only for perfecting the warrior’s spirit, but also for enjoyment and happiness.”
Humor is one of the key characteristics the warrior embraces to deal with stress and petty tyrants. As they learn and grow they quit taking themselves so seriously. They can smile when they catch themselves reacting. The smile, an awareness that there’s always something. With awareness, warriors honor the stress the petty tyrant provides and remain curious to learning and evolving, thankful for how lucky they are to have petty tyrants in their lives.
About twenty years ago I came across another book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. A much more succinct work that summarizes the Toltec way of knowledge. I fell in love all over again. I bought dozens of copies and handed them out to family, friends and associates. These four simple agreements changed my life, perhaps because I was open, at this time in my life, to the simple truths related in this small book. Vickie even made me a little shrine to them, that I keep above my writing desk to help keep me focused and centered.
- Be Impeccable With Your Word.
- Don’t Take Anything Personally.
- Don’t Make Assumptions.
- Always Do Your Best.
These Four Agreements are all you need, to deal with the Petty Tyrants in your life. Get out there and stalk your own Petty Tyrant.