We’re lucky to have our two oldest grandchildren come up and stay with us at the cottage for a couple of weeks each summer. This is the second year that we’ve done this and I hope it becomes a yearly tradition. They’re both 5 this summer and the time together at the cottage will probably equal or exceed the amount of time they’ll see each other for the rest of the year. By five they’re already little mini me’s; acting out interesting adult scenarios in their play but they do it with much more creativity and imagination than most adults can muster, being dulled and domesticated so completely in the present social paradigm.
So after observing a few hilarious and interesting playtime interchanges, I thought it would be fun to keep a log of the best ones; a listen and learn experiment. The first one happened in the Jeep on the way from the airport to the cottage. Vickie flew with them from Texas to Denver and I picked them up at the Airport. It was Vickie, Makayla, Jobi and me, along with our two dogs, Max and Sadie, so the Jeep was full. The city and the airport were busy and the traffic made me a little irritable, so for the first part of the trip I really didn’t hear anything they were saying.
I finally started to relax, once we were out of eye-sight of the city and the traffic began to taper off. Vickie dozed off. I imagine she was pretty tired after shepherding both of them through two airports, while dealing with all the luggage, trains and escalators. When you’re five an escalator is like a carnival ride, so it must have been a bit like herding cats. I’m glad it was her and not me, I’m not very good with herding or cats.
The Times They Are A-Changin’
As I sped along I-70 cracking sunflower seeds and watching the Cumulonimbus clouds build on the horizon, I started listening more intently to their dialog in the back seat. They were pretending to do some kind of performance and were softly singing back and forth. It got quiet for a moment and then Makayla said, “If you liked our show please click the subscribe button below for similar programming.” I almost choked on my sunflower seeds when she uttered the words, in her sweet little voice.
Five years old and already digitized. It was the first eye opener of our summer vacation together. At 5 they very likely have a better grasp of the internet than the majority of the population over fifty. Down the road, I hear Jobi say, “Makayla, Makayla, look a selfie picture.” I glanced over my shoulder to see him striking a pose and holding his hand out, like a pretend camera, pointing it himself. I laughed out loud, (or is that LOL); are you kidding me, 5 years old and pretending to take a selfie. “The Times They Are A-Changin.” I was about 5 when Bob penned that song and obviously it’s still relevant. Here’s the link on Apple Music.
Pot of Gold
Late one afternoon we were sitting on the front porch, chased there when a thunderstorm came through and as the storm cleared a beautiful rainbow formed on the eastern horizon. They both lobbied me to get in the Jeep and drive to the ends so they could collect the pot of gold. I explained to them how the light from the sun is reflected and refracted off the water droplets from the receding storm, causing the white light to prism into a spectrum of color. They both looked at me and said that’s cool Grandpa, can we go get the gold now?
On another evening we were on the front porch again, and while I was relaxing in my Adirondack chair enjoying a big glass of ice tea, they were on the other end of the porch pretending to put on a show. They were taking turns going out to talk to the audience and let them know that the show would be starting soon. They were having a grand old time pretending to be different singers and entertainers. Then at a point where Jobi didn’t agree with the direction that Makayla was heading with the show, he yells out. “Stop, quick, hit the pause button.”
What a brilliant idea, whenever life throws you a curve ball and doesn’t meet your expectations; hit the pause button, like On Demand TV, so you can renegotiate the outcome before continuing on. That sure would have come in handy a few times over the last few decades for me, I chuckled to myself. The true brilliance of this idea would become clear to me a few days later.
As they were discussing how the show was going to go down, Makayla said, “Let me go check with the boss about that.” Jobi fires back, “well there is someone else that is his boss”, Makayla blurts, “well, he has a boss too”. Hmm, already fully indoctrinated in the concept of hierarchy and that someone else higher up is in charge. This may be one of the first lies that hooks our attention and traps us into a belief that shapes our world for years to come.
“One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.” ― Aldous Huxley
That there is someone up the chain of command who is in charge, who will take responsibility for us; who will guide us, direct us, protect us and make decisions for us. This one belief can do significant damage, crippling our creativity and imagination, inhibiting our critical decision making ability, and is the beginning of something even worse, seeking for approval outside of ourselves. From the mouths of babes – right?
On Father’s Day, I was in a good mood when I woke up but it just seemed like the rest of the day went south. I was irritable and snapped at the kids a few times and then when Jobi had an angry, destructive, attention grabbing outburst, I snapped, swatted him on the butt and sent him off to the dungeon for some time out. We made up later of course and both made agreements to each other about how we would deal with our tempers going forward.
A Realization
Jobi and Makayla are 5 and I had never laid a hand on them in anger or punishment; my thought was I am their grandpa, it’s not my job to dole out punishment. Encourage and praise the good behavior, now that’s a job for grandpa; teach respect by modeling it but spankings should come from mom and dad, not Grandpa. That’s when I had a realization, I should have hit the pause button.
We can make a choice when emotions wells up in us and come bursting forth; whether it’s anger, jealousy, sadness or fear. We don’t need to react immediately, causing more pain to ourselves and the people around us. We can hit the pause button. Emotional responses are signals for us to wake up and have a closer look; to react almost always makes it worse. Jobi’s angry and destructive behavior, caused me to lose my cool and become angry too.
Not the sort of lesson a Grandpa should be teaching his grandson. I should have hit the pause button, instead of reacting, doing and saying things that I would regret later. It was mostly sunshine and rainbows for the rest of their stay and while I learned some other lessons through their youthful innocence, none was more important than this one. When we feel that uneasy feeling in the pit of our stomach; when crazy thoughts flood our mind – “Quick, Hit the Pause Button.”