One of the nice things about being a senior citizen is that my medial prefrontal cortex—and the narrative ego residing there—has relaxed a bit, providing some peace. The ego is almost always caught up in self-pity or self-importance. Teenagers and young adults often cycle between these two states, riding a wild emotional roller coaster. Their immature dorsolateral prefrontal cortex leads to poor impulse control and heightened self-consciousness (the so-called “imaginary audience” phenomenon, where they feel everyone is judging them).
I’ve seen quite a few people experience the “imaginary audience” syndrome well into midlife. Self-pity and self-importance are ego manifestations that prevent people from seeing things clearly. If you truly want to do something for yourself, confront them every day. Toltec Warriors call it “Stalking.” It’s the art of being deliberate, staying alert, and being aware of every act, thought, and emotion you have. Like a panther, you tirelessly stalk yourself, refusing to give in to vices and old habits. Being aware of every thought, word, and action is a significant challenge, but it’s worth it.
Let Go
Let go of the concessions you make to yourself when you say things like, “I can’t live without this,” or “I deserve that!” It’s a constant battle—the warrior’s struggle with self-importance and self-pity, which is really a struggle against his own folly. To win, you must continually resist the urge to relax your vigilance and maintain steady awareness. If you let your guard down for even a moment, you lose your protection against the onslaught of ego.
Fighting self-importance is like taking a dump— it’s something you have to do alone because it’s personal business. The struggle is against your ego, and no one can help you with that. The only external help your peers can offer is to make you aware of your weaknesses, and that rarely works out. We see those who warn us about our faults as enemies or adversaries when we should be grateful to them for pointing out the obvious.
Be A Warrior
Toltecs aren’t the only Warriors that fight the good fight against self-importance and self-pity. Jesus emphasized the importance of ego-death throughout the Gospels; it’s a core Christian belief. Two of my favorites: “Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” – Matt 23:12, and “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.” – Luke 9:23–24
Jesus repeatedly calls for a state of alert, non-distracted awareness: “Stay awake / Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation.” “Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come…” The eschatological tone of “staying awake” is very similar to the mindfulness practice of being in the present moment. Then there’s the classic teaching on living fully in the present moment, letting go, and trusting reality:
Lilies of the Field
Which of you, by being anxious, can add a single moment to his lifespan? Why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field and how they grow. They neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you that even Solomon in all his glory was not dressed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today exists and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, won’t he much more clothe you, you of little faith?
“Therefore don’t be anxious, saying, ‘What will we eat?’, ‘What will we drink?’ or, ‘With what will we be clothed?’ Don’t seek after these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. Seek first God’s kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, don’t be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Each day’s trouble is enough on its own. Matthew 6:27-34