We made a conscious decision nearly a decade ago to step back from the weight of expectation that society, family, and even our own ego laid across our shoulders. We realized that we were being held captive by expectations. The 21st-century dances to the beat of planning and ambition, which is at the opposite end of the spectrum from living mindfully in the present moment.
“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” ~ Alexander Pope
Achievement, careers, and relationships are a few of the things we build expectations around—a mental jungle gym created by societal pressure, cultural framing, and personal domestication. You need to become a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. You visualize a high-paying job or the perfect spouse and tie your self-worth to its realization.
What are You Focused On?
Goals become rigid expectations, and then you feel inadequate when these benchmarks aren’t achieved. Past disappointments create fear about repeating the same mistake, hooking you to a future that is still out there on the horizon or an unchangeable past; both yanking you away from the present moment.
“The true definition of mental illness is when the majority of your time is spent in the past or future, but rarely living in the realism of NOW.” ~ Shannon L. Alder
Expectation morphs into comparison or overthinking. Hyper-focusing on the outcome creates anxiety, as you worry about meeting expectations or fear failure. Social media amplifies the tendency to compare your life to others’, which can make you feel that your present reality isn’t enough.
Expecting a perfect outcome can generate fear of failure. Instead of acting in the moment, you procrastinate. A trap that hides the present moment as your mind chases some imagined future. The problem with being present is that it requires you to let go of control and embrace uncertainty, which can be uncomfortable.
Fear of Failure
We’re trained to believe that focusing on the present moment could cause us to miss opportunities. A fear that makes us plan and anticipate instead of savoring what is. 21st-century life rewards productivity. Meditating or simply being feels unproductive, so we tend to plan and worry. The distance between expectation and reality generates frustration, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” ~ Paulo Coelho
When we don’t get the success or love we expect, it feels like failure, as we tie our sense of self to the outcome, making it nearly impossible to embrace the present moment. It’s a steep price to pay. When we constantly look towards our expectations, we miss the beauty of the present moment, whether it be a sunny morning out in nature or a conversation with a friend.
Mindfulness Checklist
- Journal
- Meditate
- Create flexible goals
- Get outside, look, listen, hear, and feel
- Breathe
- Walk, Hike, or Bike
- Create your own beautiful environment
- Celebrate your wins – Life is Good
Expectations can dominate your thinking, trapping you into an attitude of chasing what’s next instead of living what’s now. By studying your expectations, it is possible to understand their hold and, through mindfulness, break free and find joy in the present moment. Life happens now—don’t let expectations steal it from you.